Yesterday, a small little comment sent my world into a tailspin.
I received some input from a client about making our client group more engaging. She commented that there isn’t much discussion and offered tips on creating a more open dialogue.
Nothing bad, right?
But man, it hurt my soul.
It sent my morning into a tailspin. I cried. A lot. I felt like a massive failure. I started to question every single thing I do and I started second guessing myself. I felt like I let others down.
It wasn’t negative. The comment wasn’t made to criticize me.
But when you’re overwhelmed, man, the little things hit you when you least expect it. I felt like I was pouring my everything into this, but it still wasn’t enough. Which then made me feel like I wasn’t enough.
It was a great reminder for me to take a step back and re-prioritize.
As a small business owner, trying to hold it all together can be difficult. The kids are home for the summer, so I am now working from home while caring for three extra humans. I am trying to knock out editing for our current clients so that they receive their images quickly. It’s slow season, so I am trying not to panic during the feast or famine roller coaster that comes with self employment. I am dealing with an upcoming lawsuit with my ex. I see 4am more often that I would like, as I work late on building a new website and client preparation website.
Life is happening rapidly. I am going through several life and business transitions at the moment. I am a perfectionist, so I cannot let one single thing slide.
But sometimes you just have to. Life will ALWAYS be happening. Something is always going to be in the back of your head, causing you stress.
In my head, I found myself repeating this: It never stops, you can’t be everything to everyone.
They mayyy be lyrics from a Slipknot song (I was OBSESSED with Slipknot in middle school…told you I was the weird goth kid) but they are so relevant right now.
You cannot work yourself to exhaustion. It leaves you vulnerable, mentally and physically. You can’t be 100% on top of your game all day everyday. And you definitely cannot hold yourself to that standard. Because when you slip, and you will slip, it will send your world crashing down.
I sat with these thoughts. I let myself feel and experience the guilt and sadness. Then I had to step outside of my emotions and look at things objectively.
I reached out to her and she said that she loved the experience and working with me and she wanted to see everything succeed.
I was so hard on myself for no reason.
Through this experience, I was reminded of the importance of self care. Remembering to give myself some grace was so crucial. Allowing myself to be human and make mistakes was necessary. Realizing that overextending myself was only hurting me was a massive reality check.
The second step towards self care and self love is knowing your limits and remembering that you cannot do it all, and that’s okay. You shouldn’t be expected to.
August 16, 2018