I wanted to start a series focused on self care and self love because it is what I deal with everyday. I am in the business of empowering women, and the number one way I believe we can be empowered is through taking care of ourselves. Self care comes in many forms, be it a relaxing bath at the end of a long day or putting in the work to overcome psychological trauma. I choose both.
I’ve been a bit more personal on the blog in the last few weeks than I ever have throughout my career.
I’ve been lucky enough to experience a few abusive relationships and traumatic life events. I say that I have been lucky because these events have shaped me in an undeniable way. And through them, I have grown immensely. I have found my voice. So when I speak my truth, I know it is one that is deeply rooted in a desire for immense personal growth.
I have been quite open about my divorce, because I wish somebody else had been. If they were, it would have been much easier for me to see what was and what was not acceptable. Normalized abuse was all that I had known growing up. I’m thankful that my experiences have helped other women leave toxic lives behind and go on to find love, happiness, and fulfillment that they never thought was possible.
While in the midst of tumultuous custody battle with an emotionally abusive narcissist, I decided to seek therapy. I was hesitant to do so. I have a degree in psychology. It was my job to help others, right? How could I do so if I was not helping myself? I couldn’t.
I wanted to kickstart this first post with something I have been working through a lot lately.
I struggle with my confidence. Badly. Which is ironic, given what I do. But I am often plagued with self doubt and self criticism. I am a perfectionist, and the desire to have everything perfect all the time can be crippling to the point of inaction. Ideas go unrealized. Instead of taking action, I do nothing.
I’ve learned one of the most important things from this.
You are not perfect. The people telling you that you are not perfect but should be are not perfect. Why the fuck should you worry about being the perfect human when perfection robs you of the opportunity to make learning mistakes?
I play a lot of roles. I am a mother, a fiancé, an entrepreneur. I am a lot of things to a lot of people, as are most women. As women, we carry the mental and emotional loads of all those we care for. But it often leaves us feeling depleted. I used to worry that I said the wrong thing or made the wrong decision. Was I setting the right example? Did I upset them? Did I let them down?
The first step towards self care and self love is learning to live with bad decisions, mistakes, and battle scars and accept that they have taught us a lesson we will not ever forget. Perfection is boring. Trying to meet the expectations of others is exhausting.
Nothing in life is permanent. There is always another day ahead of us, and with it, another chance at doing and being better.
August 9, 2018