Letting go of fear. - LeZandra Photography - Norfolk Virginia Boudoir Photography

April 23, 2012

Letting go of fear.

It has taken a lot of time, energy, and thought deciding what will go in this blog post. But, here it goes. This is probably the most personal blog post I have ever written. I apologize for not having a photo to go with it, but I feel the words are what matter in this case.

You may have noticed that I haven’t been online so much. Seriously, I feel like I have sort of vanished from social media. I don’t blog nearly as much as I want to, or post, or tweet, or any of that jazz.

In October I started working for the Navy at a 24/7 child development home.

 When I say it was an experience, I truly mean it.

I love the kids I worked with. Loved. So deeply. I felt like I became their mommy. I would tuck them into bed at night and fed them breakfast in the morning.

But when I say it was a toxic work place, I unfortunately mean it.

I don’t want to get into the details, but it was bad. Like, leave work and just cry kind of bad. It took me to a dark place.

You may wonder what this has to do with photography.


Since I worked in a 24/7 center my schedule was subject to change. I understood this. I was told that my business would not be effected by this.

I needed this job. Student loan repayment was a few months away and as a fresh college graduate unable to find a job anywhere, I needed it.

When I say it was bad, there are many reasons why. One of which being that my schedule was constantly being changed. It literally changed 5 times in the span of two days.

It took complete hold of my life. I had to turn brides and clients away because of my schedule. That crushed me. I hated it.

I don’t like having to turn people away. I like to think people choose me because they connect with me on some level. And I love meeting these people. I love exploring life with them. To say I cannot be there for them just plain sucked.

I continued to look for another job.

In 2010 I graduated with my degree in Psychology at 20 years of age. I love helping people. And I knew there was more I could be doing with my life.

In February I started working with autistic children with an amazing company.

It is such an amazing and rewarding job. I LOVE it.

But working two jobs was hard. Especially when you have a 10pm-7am shift and then you have to be in to work at your other job in a few hours.

Not to mention trying to run a business.

My husband sat me down and asked me, “What are you passionate about?”

Of course, the answer is Photography and Psychology.

He said, “Then you have your answer. I have watched this job slowly kill you. I can’t watch it any longer. You have to do what you love. What makes you happy. I want that spark in your eyes back. I want to see you live for you!”

So I did it.

I put in my two weeks.

It was terrifying. My husband and I just bought a house. We just made this huge transition. There was so much up in the air, so much going on. So much freaking stress! I felt like i wasn’t going to be able to contribute to our family.

My last day working for the Navy was this past Wednesday.

I got off of work at 8am and had an interview at 1pm later that day.

I was offered the job that I have been trying to get for the past year and a half.

And it feels so amazing!

After months of self doubt, unhappiness, and a desire for change, but lack of will and inner motivation to change, I am happy to say that I am exactly where I want to be. 

I am able to pursue both photography and psychology.

I am able to make people happy and bring joy into their lives.

For the first time in months, I am able to be me. And it feels better than I could ever describe.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. terri says:

    congrats to you, girl!
    you deserve this!

Hampton Roads Virginia Boudoir Studio

Life kicks us around. A lot. Between the daily demands of existing and the trials we experience, being a human is hard. Being a woman is hard. Do this, do that, change this, fix that – it can feel incessant. Throw in kids and divorce and things can get even more complicated. Miss M wanted […]

Downtown Norfolk Boudoir Studio

Sometimes the biggest reason to do a boudoir session is to have something to share with your significant other and that’s something we’re happy to help out with! One of the reasons our studio is so unique is how important sex-positivity is to us. We are loud and proud and love to sing it from […]

Hampton Roads Virginia Boudoir

Did you know that you can book multiple boudoir sessions? This gorgeous lady has come to me THREE times. THREE. And she kills it every time. It’s an honor that I get to photograph and empower women. Getting to do it multiple times? Incredible. The change I get to witness after a session is truly […]

drop us a line


Read the Journal

View the portfolio

Thank you so much for taking the time to fill out our contact form! We absolutely can not wait to meet you! You should hear from us within 2-4 business days.

Your form has been submitted successfully - yay!

Contact Us

hampton roads virginia boudoir photography

© LeZandra photography 

downtown norfolk