Facing Fear and Going Full Time - LeZandra Photography - Norfolk Virginia Boudoir Photography

January 29, 2013

Facing Fear and Going Full Time

This is going to be a long and very personal post. I warned you 😉

I have always been a planner. I thrive with schedules. I love control. Knowing that I have a routine that I can stick to helps me go about my days.

When I was in high school I put myself under a lot of pressure.

College only exaggerated my desire to have my life planed out.

I was going to move to Hawaii to be with Kevin (my then boyfriend, now husband).

I was going to go to school for Psychology and graduate in 2012.

I was going to go to graduate school to receive my PhD in Psychology immediately following.

I was going to get a job working as a clinical psychologist for the VA.

I was going to start trying to conceive when I was 30.

I was going to take 1 year off from work so that I could stay at home with the baby.

I was going to return to work and focus on furthering my education and certification to become a sex therapist.

I was going. I was going. I was going.

I was going to drive myself insane.

Life did not go as planned.

I started a business.

I graduated from college 2 years ahead of schedule.

We moved to Virginia.

I started working for an amazing company in a field I never thought I would be in.

We bought a house, something I had not ever even considered doing until retirement.

We found out we are going to be parents and that we get to share our love with somebody so amazing. 

I’m 22.

And at times it feels as though I am falling so far behind in life because I did not stick to my plan.

I constantly worry that I made the wrong decision by not jumping straight into graduate school.

I have been second guessing my decision to submit that Letter of Resignation.

But it is happening.

On February 15th I will be leaving my job working as an ABA therapist for autistic children.

This decision didn’t come lightly.

And a part of me is so worried that I am making the wrong decision.

But, how this gal who planned on becoming a sex therapist ended up working with children is beyond me.

I am going on a personal journey. And I invite you to join me.

These last few months have been so incredible for my business. I have met so many amazing, independent, and strong women.

And I have realized that there comes a time where all of your planning has to be thrown out of the window.

I am going full time.

Being a full time photographer is uncertain.

You never know if you will have enough clients.

You never know if there will be enough interest in your work.

You never know if you will have enough money to make it through because you do not have a set paycheck.

My current job is safe. It is steady. And I always know what to expect.

But there comes a time where you have to stop making excuses for why you should chose the safe route and dive into what makes you excited for life.

I am currently in the process of transitioning to full time. And since Baby P is due on April 4th, I am preparing for maternity leave as well.

I will also be throwing in a little something that is very important to me to the mix: I am applying for a position within a Masters Program at ODU to continue my goal of becoming a sex therapist.

I have been putting off applying because I was so scared to take that next step only to end up failing.

Thank you all so much for your support and encouraging words! I have spoken to many of my clients about this transition and the encouragement has been overwhelming!

So wish me luck on my journey towards becoming a full time photographer/graduate student/mother.

I am taking the next step.


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