Miss M has always been one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. She exudes confidence and she has a heart of gold.
Within the last few years I have watched her kick ass as a single mother, fall in love with the most incredible man, and make huge changes to better her health and happiness.
She and I met for coffee recently and I was blown away by just how much her story relates to my own. We have been able to survive toxic relationships and come through stronger, with more love and passion for life. She and I both met amazing men who redefined what we thought love was supposed to be and who support and uplift us daily. I swear, she’s like a soul sister. It is so amazing to met somebody who understands where you come from and encourages you to build the life you have always dreamed of.
Miss M wrote about her experience and I am so thankful that she has allowed me to share it!
How can you love something that doesn’t look perfect to society’s standards? How can you love yourself when you’ve been torn apart by a past that you’ve just barely escaped?
How? Well I’ll tell you how. You love yourself despite what you’ve been told by strangers, those who were meant to love you and those who you thought were in your corner. You love yourself because if you don’t, then how do you ever expect anyone else to??
I spent so many years critiquing myself. Working to look like something I wasn’t meant to. And for what? So that others would accept me, well it was no longer working. I was still lied to, cheated on and talked about behind my back. Trying to live by other’s expectations was exhausting. I was unhappy, I was lying to myself and everyone else around me. So, I changed the narrative. I did that by doing things I was terrified of, by being okay with being alone and learning who I was all over again. I asked myself, what kind of woman would I want to be described as by my family? What kind of legacy would I want to leave behind for my children, and the people I truly loved. Would I want them to say that I was so perfect, had a perfect body, perfect life? Or would I want them to say that I loved, loved with a fierceness, that I lived an authentic life, lived with purpose, faced my fears and exuded confidence and a light that no one could ever dim no matter how hard they tried!! I am a survivor, who survived early abuse, destructive relationships and heartbreak. I have survived and thrived!
I used to live in fear. I let those fears consume me and stop me from living my life to the fullest. I regret that, but I have made myself a promise, and that was if I feared something, then I should do it!! So, when I decided to do a boudoir shoot with LeZandra, it was the scariest but best decision I’ve ever made! I had been wanting to shoot with her for so long but like most women I told myself I would wait until my body looked better, or until my life was more put together. I made excuses, and each time I thought I was ready I would chicken out. To be honest, I was so afraid. I’m a pretty confident woman, but the thought of stripping down and showing everyone my flaws terrified me. But I finally allowed myself to do it and let me tell you it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting LeZandra you’ll know that she is a champion of women!! I mean her business is not just to take sexy photos, but literally to bring out a side of you that you didn’t know existed. I’ve modeled for some years now, but never had I felt more alive and sexier than I did in front of her camera. Something was woken up inside of me. A part of myself that I had pushed deep down because of fears. I’m a mother of 4, and although I do not hide my body in my day to day life, I still thought that doing this shoot was something maybe a 40-year-old mother shouldn’t do. I was wrong. In fact, it is exactly what a 40-year-old mother, hell a 60-year-old, any age woman no matter what your title is should do. It was freeing, it was exciting, it made me feel empowered. Sounds crazy, but being in touch with myself, doing something so scary and doing it well made me feel like I could do anything. It also allowed me to break free of the control I had experienced in my past. It allowed me to do something just for me, and not worry about what others would think. Since our shoot last year, I have lost weight, and gained a better perspective in my life. When I look at my pictures I don’t focus on the weight. I see a woman who did something so amazing, and she did it without having a “perfect” body. She did it as a full figure woman, she did it despite what others have told her about her body. She did it and loved herself more because of it!!
I want to leave you with this. We are given one life. We spend too much of it worrying about things that we cannot control. As you grow older you look back and sometimes are saddened that you didn’t take more chances, that you stayed unhappy far too long. Live your life. Live according to what makes YOU happy!!! Wear what you want, love who you want, be who you want!! Write your own narrative, so that one day when you are at the end of your days, you can look back knowing you had control of your story. You can look back and know that everything written was written by you. So “buy the damn concert tickets” and do yourself a favor, book with LeZandra. Have a moment just for you and see that radiant woman, who shed her fears to do something just for her!!!
February 12, 2018