At this point, I’ve been photographing boudoir for 16 years.
I know what I’m doing behind the camera.
But being in front of the camera?
That is an entirely different experience.
And over the years, being photographed by other people has taught me so much. Not just about myself and how I show up for myself, but about trust, vulnerability, safety, and connection. About what it actually feels like to be raw and vulnerable when you are in a state of undress and trying to express something intimate.
It is one thing to guide someone through that experience.
It is another thing entirely to be on the receiving end of it.
Every session I’ve had in front of the lens has taught me something. I’ve learned things about myself from being photographed by others. I’ve learned things about others by the way they photographed me. And I’ve learned that it is very hard to explain the emotional weight of that experience unless you’ve actually lived it.
Because when you are in that space, vulnerable and exposed and trying to express sensuality, it can stir up so much internally.
Am I doing this right?
Do I look awkward?
Is this me?
Is this performative?
Do I feel safe?
Do I feel comfortable?
Do I feel seen?
Those questions are real.
And they matter.
My first boudoir session happened 10 months postpartum
My very first boudoir session happened when I was 10 months postpartum.
At that point, I had already rescheduled and rescheduled and rescheduled my session over the course of three years. I had spent so much time struggling with my body image. There was a season where I could barely look at myself in the mirror without breaking down and crying. I hated what I saw.
Then pregnancy changed something for me.
For the first time in a long time, I felt more connected to my body. I felt less shame while pregnant. There was something about my pregnant belly that made me soften. But postpartum was a whole different story. I was adjusting to this new body, this deflated belly, this new role in motherhood, and I felt deeply disconnected from myself again.
At some point, I had to surrender the fantasy that I was going to wait until I lost the weight.
I had to accept that maybe the session wasn’t going to happen at some future magical moment where I felt more confident, more toned, more ready.
Maybe it needed to happen now.
And honestly, I needed it.
I needed to feel reconnected with myself.
And then I saw my images…
I felt safe with the photographer, but I still learned a lot about what I would do differently
The photographer was a close friend at the time. They were experienced. They photographed clients regularly. I trusted their skill set, and most importantly, I felt safe enough with them to do something that already felt really vulnerable.
That part mattered.
And I want to be clear about that, because safety matters more than style every single time.
Looking back, there were still so many things about the experience that reinforced why I am so thankful we do things the way we do at my studio now.
For starters, I did not get my hair and makeup done on location.
I had it done by a friend who was a professional stylist, and my hair and makeup looked great. But then I had to travel to the studio, and of course it was raining that day. I have curly hair, so just that little bit of moisture and travel created stress immediately. My hair started falling. It got frizzy and poofy. It did not look the way I wanted it to look in the photos.
That may sound small, but when you’re already feeling vulnerable, the small things don’t feel small.
They become one more thing pulling you out of your body and into your head.
Style matters less than safety, but it still matters
At the time, I was choosing comfort over style.
And I don’t regret prioritizing comfort. I would still tell anyone that how you feel matters far more than aesthetics.
But I also learned that style matters too. Representation is powerful and having images that represent YOU should be the goal.
The lighting and editing style were very different from what I would have chosen for myself. I remember showing a friend the final photos and her saying, “LeZandra, you look like a white woman.”
And honestly, she wasn’t wrong.
I looked at those images and saw a version of me that felt flattened out, whitewashed, and disconnected from who I actually was. I needed to see my postpartum body as it was so that I could accept it. Seeing myself photoshopped so heavily made me question if that was how others thought I should look.
Back then, boudoir was still far more niche. This was 2013. There were not nearly as many photographers doing it, and not as many options to choose from. But that experience taught me something important.
Even when someone is talented, even when someone is safe, even when someone means well, it still matters that their artistic eye aligns with how you want to see yourself.
Because this is not just about taking pretty photos.
It is about representation.
It is about identity.
It is about whether you recognize yourself in what is being created.
Seeing the unedited images first changed everything
One of the biggest things that impacted me was seeing the unedited images first, then having to select what I wanted edited.
At the time, I did not fully realize how emotionally loaded that would be.
And then I saw the final edits.
Something inside me shattered.
The curves and softness that make me me were erased. My little belly was flattened down. The parts of my body I was trying to learn to love were treated like they were something to be corrected. Something to hide. Something to be ashamed of.
That was devastating.
Because the whole point of the session was to find confidence in my body.
And instead, I was shown a heavily altered version of myself that didn’t feel like me at all.
I remember realizing, deeply, that I actually liked the unedited images more.
I was not expecting that.
But seeing myself so airbrushed and altered made me appreciate the real version of me more. It sparked something I didn’t have language for at the time. It made me realize I did not want to be transformed into somebody else. I wanted to see myself.
That moment kicked off its own kind of healing.
That experience shaped the way I run my studio now
That session taught me so much about why I do things the way I do.
It reinforced why my clients do not sit there looking through unedited images of themselves and trying to compare what was changed.
It reinforced why I don’t believe in heavily editing people into some fake version of themselves.
It reinforced why I care so much about collaboration, communication, and making sure the client feels represented in the final result.
It also reinforced why I show people the back of the camera while we are shooting.
Because I want them to see themselves as we go.
I want them to realize, in real time, that great posing and intentional lighting can do so much. I want them to feel that little shift happen while we are creating together. I want them to see that their body is not the problem.
Good guidance matters.
Good lighting matters.
Trust matters.
And yes, both of us were still earlier in our careers back then. We were only a few years into our businesses. We both got much better with time. There are things I’m sure neither of us would do the same way now.
That is part of growth.
But the lesson stayed with me.
Boudoir should feel like a collaboration, not a performance
One of the deepest things that experience taught me is that confidence, sensuality, sexuality, and power are not one-size-fits-all.
What makes someone feel powerful is personal.
What makes someone feel sexy is personal.
What makes someone feel seen is personal.
I went into that session willing to hand over too much of that interpretation to someone else.
I wasn’t thinking enough about what I wanted sensuality to look like for me.
I wasn’t thinking enough about how I wanted to be represented.
Now I know better.
That is why I believe the experience should feel like a collaboration.
Most of my clients have never had a session like this before, but they still know themselves. They know what lights them up. They know what feels playful, what feels bold, what feels soft, what feels edgy, what feels true. And if they do not fully know yet, I know how to ask the right questions to help them uncover it.
That is part of the work.
Not forcing a performance.
Not projecting my own idea of sexy onto somebody else.
But helping them discover what feels authentic to them.
I am still grateful for that first experience
Even with everything I would change, I am still thankful I had that first session.
It expanded me.
It pushed my comfort zone.
It showed me I could exist in lingerie and be witnessed.
It showed me I could take up space in front of others in a way I had never done before.
It checked something off a bucket list I didn’t even fully realize I needed.
And even though parts of it hurt, it gave me clarity.
It helped me understand that doing the thing, even imperfectly, can still teach you something powerful.
It helped me understand that an experience does not have to be flawless to change you.
And it helped me become far more intentional about the kind of photographer I wanted to be.
Why this matters to me now
I share this because I know I am not the only person who has wrestled with body image, vulnerability, or the fear of being seen.
And I know how much the experience itself matters.
Not just the photos.
Not just the outfits.
Not just the final gallery.
The experience.
How you are spoken to.
How safe you feel.
How much collaboration there is.
How much care there is.
How much of you gets to remain intact in the process.
That matters.
It matters because people remember how they felt in front of your camera.
And I want my clients to feel seen, safe, guided, and celebrated.
Not broken down.
Not overcorrected.
Not edited into someone they are not.
Just fully themselves.
Thinking about booking your own session?
If you have ever wondered whether a session like this could help you reconnect with yourself, I get it.
If you have ever worried about how it might feel to be seen, I get that too.
That is exactly why I care so deeply about creating an experience that feels collaborative, safe, and true to who you are.
If you’re looking for a Norfolk boudoir photographer who will guide you with intention and help you feel like yourself in front of the lens, I’d love to show you what that can look like.
🖤 Reach out to start planning your session
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April 27, 2026
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